What Your Recently Watched on Netflix Instant Says About You

When we’re young, we learn not to judge a book by its cover. That’s right: don’t judge the farting, booger-coated boy in your class by the amount of nose gems he stores under his desk, but by the content of his character, which is kind of weird.

Yet, sometimes, it is completely appropriate to extrapolate personality and character by the art, movies, and music we like. For instance, if you listen to and enjoy Ke$ha, you’re probably a drunk college girl who washes her hair once a month and often finds herself waking up in frat house basements with only one shoe.

Then there’s Netflix Instant. The darkest corners of people’s personalities lie within the Recently Watched category, what with grown men secretly watching The Brave Little Toaster and religious people getting down with Zeitgeist.

Your Netflix choices say a lot about you as a person. Let’s break it down.

Amelie

You took French for a year in high school. You wear bright pink tights and “quirky” things like bows and Hello Kitty. You’re a single white woman looking for The One.

Captain America

Like its title character, you are incredibly boring. You also probably have an American flag or a cross tattooed somewhere on your body.

Pretty Little Liars

You were unpopular and kind of dowdy in high school. You read gossip magazines, but you pretend you don’t. You still can’t figure out who A is.

Sicko

You will never, ever, ever, ever listen to anyone with an opinion that differs from your own. Even though you’re probably right, you’re insufferable, rendering your argument null and void. You threaten to move to Canada every 2-4 years, and yet, here you are.

Religulous

Related to the Sicko viewer. You don’t know much about Christianity or the Bible, just what you’ve read on the Atheism subreddit. You’re also kind of a misogynist. You use ad hominem attacks when you run out of anything intelligent to say.

Cadet Kelly

You’re a twenty-something who misses the early 2000s. You still secretly hope Lizzie and Gordo will get together. There is no other reason to watch this.

Addicted

Your life sorely lacks any kind of drama or heartbreak. If it weren’t for the internet, you would be a peeping tom.

The Grey

You masturbate way too much.

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

Having recently been dumped, you’re no longer in the mopey stage, but in the girls-kick-ass! stage. This will last until you meet your next soulmate at the Sig Tau mixer.

Get the Gringo

You think what the Jew Media did to Mel Gibson is just awful. You’re trying your best to support him while also getting ready for the imminent War on Whites. You’re probably watching this on your phone while you wait to be called into your hearing. You’re guilty.

Skins

You think everything out of the U.K. is pure gold. You tell yourself that they’re better filmographers and better actors. Really, though, you’re just looking for porn, and you don’t want to risk another virus on your PC.

No matter which way you cut it, you should probably be embarrassed by your Recently Watched on Netflix. But it’s okay. Everyone kind of sucks. So be proud of your horrible taste in movies and television, and watch on.